Friday, March 13, 2015

May contain inappropriate language

Wednesday I flew from Ohio (where I was visiting my Mom) back to to Tucson (where Jim had stayed with Cooper and the rig). On the Chicago to Tucson leg of my flight, I had a window seat. There was an empty seat between me and the elderly, dignified-looking gentleman in the aisle seat. As the plane was backing up on the tarmac, a flight attendant brought over a woman who'd gotten on late and couldn’t find a spot at the back of the full plane.

Middle Seat Woman and Elderly Gentleman had trouble deciding whose seat belt was whose. During the seatbelt-detangling process, Middle Seat noticed a pronounced bump on Elderly Gentleman's finger. She asked him what it was. “It’s caused by my arthritis,” he said. “Can I touch it?’ she asked.  

I knew then I was in trouble.

During the course of the flight, Middle Seat asked about my kids, my marriage, my job. She offered me an unwrapped sour patch candy from the bottom of her purse, and asked me to touch the “lucky rock” she also pulled from her purse. The topper was when she told me I had “great t*ts.” No lie. On the positive side, she didn’t ask to touch them.  

I called Mom to tell her I’d arrived in Tucson safe and sound and also told her about my conversation with Middle Seat.  Right away she asked “What were you wearing?” Geez, Mom. Blame the victim. (I’m kidding, Mom. About blaming the victim, not about what I told you. But I had on my gray and purple long-sleeved, high-necked T-shirt.) 

If Jim had been sitting next to Middle Seat, he would have broken the window and climbed out on the wing. Or he might have gone with it and told her he was a secret agent. I just felt bad because it’s got to be tough being her.  

But it was a long flight.


  1. That is a funny story. A friend just had a crappy flying experience, too, and after hearing about both I feel like I never want to go anyplace the Lazy Daze can't take us!

    1. Hi Gayle! An LD is certainly the way to go whenever possible!

  2. Oh, Bev! What a formidable task you have put before us. I have tried four times to respond/comment on your post. And, four times, I have had to delete those comments, as they took an uncomfortable turn that caused me embarrassment and would likely have offended you and made Jim angry. Having encountered these literary roadblocks one would think that common since would tell me this post should not be commented on. Fat chance of that!

    Of course I will respond, this is a post screaming for response. How could I not? So, here is my fifth and final attempt. The bottom line Bev, is that Middle Seat Lady (MSL) is correct. You do have great t*ts! (My assumption is that t*ts is your short-hand for thoughts.) We all admire your thoughts, and in fact, it is indeed your great thoughts that keep bringing us back to your blog. They, your great thoughts, have provided the backdrop to some of the most dramatic scenery in the country and without those great thoughts the experience of your readers would have suffered.

    So, what I am trying to say, Bev, is that you should not be off put by MSLs observation on your great thoughts, but embrace them. In fact, and I’m just guessing here, I’ll bet in that private place in his heart, that place where he let’s no one else go. Jim knows that one of the many things that attracted him to you, were your great thoughts!

    As for my personal air travel, I always dress business casual (which to me means a collared shirt and sport jacket). As soon as I sit down I either pretend that I am reading or pretend that I am asleep. No eye contact whatsoever! I don’t want anybody talking to me about my thoughts. So far it has always worked!

    It also goes without saying that Ohio is less for your absence.

    1. I was wondering how you would respond to this one :)